Lmao. Image from Dorm Stormer.

Lmao. Image from Dorm Stormer.

It sucks, but summer’s ending. Soon… Like, in just a few weeks kind of soon.

That means that most of us will be starting a new year at the same high school or college we attended just a few months ago. But for the class of 2018, you all are beginning your transition between high school and college. This is an exciting time–congrats!

It’s exciting because, well, education. But it’s also exciting because there’s an entire school filled with people your age who have never seen your naked baby pictures and don’t know that you farted during middle school gym class. This is the jackpot for anybody lookin’ to “get on the market.” Ayeeeeee.

Know what’ll definitely snag those cuties? These college admissions pick-up lines, collected by the TP staff–duh. College apps were horrible, but that’s why they can be funny. And they’re still relevant in everyone’s minds, since the admissions process just ended, like, a month ago. So try slurring one o’ these bad boys out at the first party of the year, or maybe just in the library during your first finals week. Hopefully that hottie, who’s making your required math class soooo much more interesting, will enjoy the humor.

(PSA: Using these pick-up lines in a serious manner? Not recommended by the TP staff. We’re jk. JK BIG TIME. Unless you’re super charming, don’t expect a date with these cheesy one-liners. Just for giggles. And maybe new friends.)

So, without further ado, first, you must select a target. See that person over there? Cute? Oh yeah. Prepare yourself.

Gotta get those lips ready, oh yeah.

Get those lips ready for some smoochin’. (If you haven’t seen this YouTube video, omg.)

Now approach: “Hey baby, hey…”

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Channel your inner Austin Powers.

Then, whip it out. The pick-up line, not anything else.

“Who cares what I scored on the SAT. I scored high enough when I met you.” (Olivia Cunningham)

;););););)

;););););)

“I’ve studied vocabulary roots for months, but I still don’t have words when I see you.” (OC)

No words. Just winks. And plenty of room in my bed.

No words. Just winks. And plenty of room in my bed.

“If I wrote you a recommendation letter, you’d would get ten out of ten.” (OC)

Cue the smolder.

Cue the charm.

“If I was a guidance counselor, I’d put you and I together/at the same school/in the same group” (OC)

Get the eyebrow wiggle action in there. Except be more sexy than Patrick/Spongebob.

Get the eyebrow wiggle action in there. Except be more sexy than Patrick/Spongebob.

“If you were a pencil I wouldn’t be able to use you for the SATs because you’re not No. 2–you’re my No. 1.” (Priyanka Srinivasan)

Sorta like this.

Sorta like this.

“Are you my major? Cause I’d choose you any day.” (PS)

Be smoooooth.

Be smoooooth.

“You know, I think I forgot to fill out the phone number on my application…can I have yours instead?” (PS)

Don't be too desperate, just like in your apps. Think of your crush as Harvard--ya gotta be sophisticated and stuff.

Don’t be too desperate, just like in your apps. Think of your crush as a prestigious Ivy League school–ya gotta be sophisticated and stuff.

And, my personal favorite…

“Are you the SAT? Because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a 10 minute break halfway through for snacks, and then I can stare at you for like 10 minutes and think ‘wow, I hope I don’t ruin this.'” (Joanna Flores)

Psh, forget channeling Austin Powers. CHANNEL THE DICAPRIO. CHANNEL THE ROMEO.

Psh, forget channeling Austin Powers. CHANNEL THE DICAPRIO. CHANNEL THE ROMEO.

Whatever you do, just don’t be as scary as a college admissions officer can be. Good luck!



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the author

Jasmine is a Computer Science major at Scripps College in sunny Claremont, California. Besides writing and editing for The Prospect, Jasmine works as a copy editor for [in]Visible Magazine, a writer for Persephone Magazine, and a communications intern for Whirlpool Corp. When she's not binge watching Grey's Anatomy, she enjoys not wearing shoes (no matter the weather), petting strangers' dogs, and jamming on her ukulele. She can be reached by email at russej13@gmail.com.

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