Relationships. Movies and TV shows have you thinking that relationships are supposed to be like fantasies filled with chocolate and roses and the perfect first kiss. But what happens when reality doesn’t match up to your expectations? Is there something wrong with you because you didn’t feel fireworks when you and your significant other shared your first kiss?
Are You Comfortable?
First off, I’m here to tell you not to worry. Everyone is different and moves at different paces. Just because your best friend since second grade has visited every base in the ballpark and you’re still afraid to even hug a guy or girl, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. When you’re in a mature relationship, it’s important for you and your significant other to be on the same page, especially when it comes to what you are each comfortable with and not comfortable with. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is pressuring you to do something that you don’t want to do, then that should be a red flag right there. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s address what you can do when you like your significant other but you aren’t comfortable with physical affection.
Determining the Cause
Let’s say your boyfriend tries to kiss you and you suddenly panic and turn your head. Did you turn your head because you didn’t want to kiss him, you were nervous, you weren’t ready, or none of the above? If you were nervous or embarrassed, it might help you to talk to him about it and he should be more than willing to guide you and make you feel comfortable. If you weren’t ready, maybe give it some time and stick to hugging or hand holding before you give it another try.
There’s no need to rush into it or “get it over with” just for the sake of it. If you didn’t want to kiss him, you need to figure out why. You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you actually like him in a romantic way. Lots of people confuse feelings of friendship and romance and end up in a tricky situation. If you discover that you really do like him that way and want to be in a romantic relationship with him, then that’s great! If you do some self-reflection and find that you only like him as a friend, then don’t lead him on and be honest. Another TP writer might be able to help you with this article when dealing with breaking the news.
Communication is Key
If you really do like your boyfriend but just aren’t comfortable with physical affection, you might want to talk to him about it. There might be something that bothers you like the fear of embarrassing yourself that he might be able to ease away. Or maybe the physical aspect is just not for you. One way to test if that’s true is reflecting on how you feel when people other than your boyfriend try to hug you or show you physical affection. Either way, your significant other should respect your boundaries. If he can’t, it’s probably best for you to end the relationship. Communication is key in any relationship, especially if you have something on your mind. It’s important for you to feel comfortable in your relationship, first and foremost. If you don’t, it’s time to reevaluate and see where you both stand.