Are you ready? Because I am.

Are you ready? Because I am.

I successfully survived five weeks at Duke University! Actually, I’m not sure if I would say I was very successful at it. I have a huge test tomorrow and an essay due Tuesday. But here I am, writing this article. Because y’alls* need to hear my story. And also because taking a break from obnoxious academic writing in order to write sassy articles on the internet about my life is the biggest stress reliever ever.

To make my lame life story interesting, I will be posting A LOT of gifs of the one and only Chandler, from the hit sitcom Friends. All gifs are from FYeahFriendsGIFs.

*I am socially obliged to say y’alls now since I am in the South.

1. Academics.

Me in all my classes ever.

I. Am. So. Damn. Tired. SO. DAMN. TIRED. I signed up for the Humanities life, because let’s be real, I am not up for the Calculus or the Organic Chemistry life. None of that nonsense, thank you very much. My failing AP scores in Calculus, Physics, and Biology served as very clear indicators that I should not endeavor towards such fields during my college career. One of the classes I take, called “The Dynamic Earth,” is nicknamed “Rocks for Jocks,” because recruited athletes at my school take it in order to fulfill their science requirements.

I made the terrible decision to take three writing intensive courses (1800s Literature, 1900s Literature, and Writing 101) out of my four class slots during my first semester. I told myself, “I love reading and writing! I can handle these classes, they’re only English courses! No problem at all!”

I could not have been more wrong. Calculus and Chemistry examinations were replaced by daily extensive readings and weekly academic essays. Immanuel Kant’s discourse on enlightenment. John Locke’s essay on property. Jean Rosseau’s argument on government. Somehow tying all of those complicated philosophical topics into the life of Frederick Douglass. As interesting as class discussions may be, they are so mind blowingly confusing that sometimes I just crawl back to my room after class and stick my head in the freezer to cool my brain down.

Also, Chicago citation? I’m still not sure as to what that is.

Anyways, for all my Humanities friends out there, don’t let pretentious STEM majors downgrade your intelligence. You are all wonderful and brilliant people.

My singing is beautiful.

2. Extracurriculars.

Like Chandler, I played the clarinet in high school. I was only planning to join the Marching Band, but somehow ended up auditioning for and joining the Wind Symphony and Chamber Orchestra as well. The fact that I devote about 8 to 20 hours a week just for my music extracurriculars may have something to do with the fact that I’m struggling with my coursework.

As a result, I haven’t had the time to partake in other extracurricular activities, besides a few LGBT Club meetings and writing for the school newspaper. But of course, because playing the clarinet doesn’t satisfy my musical needs enough, I always have to have weekend jam sessions with my friends.

3. Social Life.

There are two aspects to social life at Duke. One is the awkward dating culture that barely exists. The other is the predominant party hookup culture, which goes pretty well for most socially well-adjusted people. For awkward turtles like me, this is what usually goes down:

Am I doing this right?

I am definitely not doing this right.

Gotta mix it up!

Get those sex faces on!

Of course… There’s always the morning after.

What do you mean I snapchatted my ex for four hours?

And cue existential crisis.

Story of my life.

So yeah. This has been my college life so far. It clearly has its ups and downs, but I love it here, and wouldn’t trade it for any other school. I have already had some amazing life-changing experiences. And I am looking to the next four years in this weird bubble that is called Duke University.

Thanks for reading! Hope you found this enjoyable and not too uncomfortable.

You are fabulous. I love you.

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