In case you haven’t noticed, this week The Prospect has been quite cray cray (helloooooo there, FINALS), and we’re going to continue this insanity with a fun little test. Consider us the Cosmo of college admissions-related quizzes.
For all you prospies out there taking APs, I know your pain. Stick through it, try and get some sleep, and don’t make too many notecards. But now you might be wondering: what does your AP test say about you (okay, no you’re not, but now I’ve grabbed your attention and that’s what counts)? Of course, I’m here to answer that very important question (note: I didn’t do all the AP tests because there’s A LOT of them).
AP Art History: In the words of some guy who lives in my hall, “What the heck are you gonna do with an Art History degree?!” You like spending lots and lots of time on (optional) work and then telling everyone about how much work it is. There’s nothing wrong with that; work it, homedog!
AP English Language: You’re pretty good at BS-ing. Congrats, and welcome to the world of college.
AP English Literature: You think you’re outsmarting the system because this test is essentially like AP English Language except with a slightly more pretentious name. Kudos.
AP Chemistry: The only chemical equation you need to know for college is hard liquor + beer –> one gnarly headache in the morning.
AP European History: You enjoy long hours of literally back-breaking labor under a cruel and stubborn ruler in the gloomy fields of 13th century England. FEUDALISM, SON.
AP US History: You enjoy learning about the harsh socialization and geographic pressures of America as it moved from a time of great prosperity under colonialism to the gentrification of–screw it, everyone takes this exam. Word from the wise: if your teacher says the AP only covers material through 1960, study the Nixon era anyway (TRUST. ME.).
AP Human Geography: Uh…you like studying the geographic contours of humans…? Okay, even my friends who took this exam have no idea what it’s about.
AP Spanish Language: Fun fact, I spent 3 weeks in Nicaragua a couple summers ago, and all I learned to say was “Dondé está la farmacia?” So yeah, what AP Spanish says about you is that you know where to buy Advil or Doritos. #jealous #legit #deadseriousthoughiwishicouldspeakspanish
AP Environmental Science: You have deeply rooted curiosity about what acid rain is. Also, you thought this would be an easy AP.
AP Music Theory: You want to be the next John Lennon or Katy Perry…or Rebecca Black.
AP Calculus AB: Uhhhhh…you wanted to take an AP in math?
AP Calculus BC: You wanted to show up all your friends who were taking AB Calc because you’re better than them and can handle HARDCORE MANLY MATH.
AP Physics B,C, or C (again?!): Don’t even go there.
AP Italian: *Insert some joke making fun of the Italians followed by a comment that has some form of the sentiment “Wait…there’s an AP for that?”* Also, you know how to make a mean cappuccino.
AP Computer Science: You’re a masochist. ENJOY THAT.